Trying

Well it’s been a while since I’ve been on Remicade. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about my life and trying to make positive decisions.

After a couple of bad patches with Remicade, I have actually been feeling pretty good the last couple of weeks. So (knock on wood), I think maybe the Remicade is starting to work. I still have some pain in my hands and if I overdo it, I feel bad later. But, thank goodness, the intense pain that brought me to tears has not been giving me trouble. Yayyyy!

So I have decided to go back to school. It’s just a certificate program at the local community college. Hoping to get a secretarial/administrative assistant kind of job. One that will be easier and less stressful on my body.

I’ve also decided to go back part-time to my waitressing job while I am in school. This is mostly so that I can keep my health insurance, and have some extra money. I just got a bill for my last Remicade treatment and I only owe $43.00 this time. Whew! A lot better that the $400.00 bill from the time before. I guess I’ve reached my out-of-pocket limit and the cost will not be much for the rest of the year. So I am going to go ahead with Remicade treatments. I took myself off the methotrexate, and I feel better without it. I’m still hoping I can get Medicaid. I did some research online and from what I’ve read, Remicade is one drug that is covered under Medicaid and Medicare.

Things are slowly looking up. I am hoping that by this time next year I’ll have a better job and be able to take care of myself. Trying to stay positive here!!

My hips don't lie

Early this morning I woke up with horrible pain in my hip. I slowly tried to get out of bed. When I put pressure on my leg it sent shooting pains in to my hip. It is even worse if I happen to twist or bend.

Will this ever end? I had such hopes with Remicade. I have tried so many other treatments. I think the only RA medicine my body hasn't been injected with is Orencia. I did feel halfway like a human being for a week after the steroid infusion. My reprieve is over.

Every day is a mystery as to which joints will be painful. What will I not be able to do each day? Will it be painful to try to walk? Will I be able to brush my hair or brush my teeth? Will I be able to get up if I sit down? Will I be able to hold my cup of coffee in my hands? Will I be able to turn the doorknob to leave my bedroom? Will I be able to shower today? Will I see a bright side to this existence? Will I ever be truly happy again?

Today has not started off well...